BETHESDA, MD—According to sources at the Allstate Insurance Company, CIA Director Michael Hayden purchased nuclear-attack insurance Wednesday, paying a $100,000 monthly premium for his homes in suburban Washington, Pittsburgh, and near Cheyenne Mountain, CO. “It’s a typical nuclear policy that protects the insured from damages caused by fallout—pretty straightforward, though at that monthly rate, I don’t usually sell too many of them,” said Bethesda, MD–based Allstate agent Gary Rutter, adding that Hayden paid for the first premium with a certified bank check to guarantee that the policy would take effect no later than next Monday. “After he purchased the insurance, he asked again if everything was set for Monday. I assured him it was, and then he left.” Insurance agents throughout the D.C. area reported selling 35 such policies in the last week, all to high-ranking government officials.

I know this is very loosely insurance related, but I thought it was too funny to pass up:

Apparently a lot of people have attempted to see if they can steal LifeLock CEO Todd Davis’s social security number. In fact, he wants you to try as you’ve likely seen in the LifeLock ads. Those people have failed–except one. And that person who managed to get a $500 loan with Davis’s number was a mentally-challenged man who inadvertently revealed one startling thing LifeLock overlooked: Some (and I do stress some) loan companies don’t do credit checks before giving people loans. I know that sounds almost impossible, though some loan sharks out there apparently don’t bother based on the notion a social security number is sufficient enough to charge the person high interest fees if the company so chooses. Fortunately, Davis’s wife discovered what happened–and Davis demanded a confession from the man–adding up to no criminal trial as the result. Had it not have been noticed, though, LifeLock ads would be considered a laughing stock…and already are for a few out there.

For anyone still planning to buy LifeLock, use Promo Code PJK88 and get a 10% discount.

Mr. John Johnson III, was a rich old man was dying from a rare disease. On his deathbed, he called for his insurance agent, doctor and preacher:

“I trusted each you my entire life. Now I want to give each of you $30,000 cash in an envelope to put in my grave. I want to take it with me.”

Mr. Johnson died and at the funeral, each one placed the envelope on top of the man, then he was laid to rest.

On the way from the funeral, in the limo, the doctor confessed “I must tell you gentlemen, I only put $20,000 on top of Mr. Johnson, I wanted buy this new machine that would enable me to diagnose his rare disease and save others. It’s what he would have wanted.”

Then the preacher said: “I have to confess, I only put $10,000 on top of Mr. Johnson. We needed that money to help more homeless, and it’s what Mr. Johnson would’ve wanted”

The insurance agent was angry at both the man, and said: “I can’t believe both of you, stealing from a dead man. I wrote Mr. Johnson a check for the full $30,000!”

Medicare Health Insurance, in a nutshell:
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, “Hello.”
“Mrs. Ward, please.” “Speaking”
“Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory.
When your doctor sent your husband’s biopsy to the lab yesterday, a
biopsy from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain
which one is your husband’s. Frankly the results are either bad or terrible.”
“What do you mean?” Mrs. Ward asks nervously.
“Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer’s and the
other one tested positive for AIDS.
We can’t tell which your husband’s is.”
“That’s dreadful! Can’t you do the test again?” questioned Mrs. Ward.
“Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests
one time.”
“Well, what am I supposed to do now?”
“The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off
somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don’t sleep
with him.”

* Asian drivers excluded